It was a great weekend here in New Orleans. We had a wonderful day on Saturday, tooling around the city and got the chance to take our dogs out for a good long while. They've been cooped up through the winter, so they were very excited for their doggie time. In the midst of this though, Mom ended up going to the hospital in an ambulance back up in Pennsylvania. Here I am enjoying my weekend in NOLA, and Mom's being rushed to the hospital for severe pain. Pain that she ranked as high as a 10. She's been in the hospital ever since because they haven't been able to determine the exact cause. An MRI yesterday indicated that radiation should help with the pain. She's on Dilaudid for now, which is one hell of a fucking pain killer, stronger than Morphine - so you know that pain was extra strong. My mom is a trooper, for sure, and it breaks my heart that I'm down here living a life of avoidance. I can't tell if things are way worse than I think or whether this is just par for the course when dealing with cancer. I don't want to be an alarmist - but I would hate myself if I knew that I should really be there and am too busy with my own life to stop and travel up to visit her. A visit would require that I bring Hannah, and that may be a little too much for Mom's immune system. We've discussed her coming down for a visit after this 1st phase of chemo - she loves it down here, and I know she loves to see us happy in our element; but maybe that's a complete pipe dream. I just don't know. It's scary to enter into the unknown like this - I'm glad I'm not more familiar with cancer, but I wish I had someone who could tell me this might happen, that might happen, you might want to consider this, you'll never get to do that again, etc. Mainly, I just want my mom to know I'm supporting her, and I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job right now. She's supposed to go home today; after radiation. I know my mom loves to hear how happy we are and how Hannah is developing; but I'm sure that she wishes she had us up there. These are the sacrifices we make when we move to areas outside of where we grew up.

For now I'll just share a little Ryan Adams; an artist that I've been listening to for a while now. This sound quality isn't perfect, but I just love his music and I've been listening to him alot lately.

I'm learning a lot about myself lately. Right now, I've got many things to be thankful for - my job, my co-workers, my new found city, my wonderful daughter, my exceptional husband, and my family. At the same time, I just recently learned some news that has left me contemplative and at some points - downright sad. My mom was diagnosed, again, with cancer. So, that woman that drove me crazy when I was a teenager. That woman whose choices I sometimes questioned. That woman who gave birth to me. That woman who raised me, and at many times grew up right along with me. And now, that woman who I consider my best friend.

I hesitate writing this at all. My mom is blogging about her experience as well, and I don't want her to feel any worse than she does - as tough as it is for me, I know it's excrutiatingly tough for her. So, if she asks that I stop blogging about this experience I will certainly honor her wishes because she doesn't deserve to feel bad. But, she does deserve to hear the things that I often find so difficult to say.

The most difficult part about life is simply just that. I've always looked at my healthy mom as the little engine that could. She's determined and has never let age get in the way of what she wants to do. It's pretty surprising that of all the people I know at her age, she's the one who's been stricken with cancer yet again. It reinforces the fact for me that life is a game of chance. You can hide yourself in a bubble so as never to risk anything, or you can just play the game of life and take it as it comes.

I recently saw a quote that inspires me right now...

"Keep Moving Forward" ~ Walt Disney

We've lived here for 4 months; from August to November and I still love it. As a matter of fact, every day that I'm here reaffirms for me, the decision to move here in the first place. Although my husband and I are living apart during the week because of the amount of work/focus as well as the distance between New Orleans and Baton Rouge, where he goes to school - everything else is as perfect as it can be. I love my job, I love the people I'm working with, I love the support I am getting from the team - and the overwhelming welcome I continue to receive. I love my daughter, Hannah's daycare - she's a precocious little 3 year old and her daycare has welcomed all of that precociousness and enabled it to really blossom. She's learning a ton more than she was ever taught in Arkansas. I love New Orleans through and through. When I used to visit back in the 90's & early 2000's, I always felt this special pull to New Orleans. Something draws me to this place. I used to cry when I would board the airplane and fly home - to DC, to NY, to SF. I have never had a city take a hold of my heart and romance me the way that this city has. Those days were different from these: I'm much more mature now; much less inebriated. I remember more and I'm finding more and more ways that I adore this city. There are wonderful things to do with my daughter. I have options; and sometimes I have more options than I have time. I can't remember the last time I felt that way. There's alot more to New Orleans than people realize. The liquor, the music, even the food, is only a part of the equation. There's so much history, art, culture, and heart.

But the most important part of our new life here, is my love for the unique imperfections that New Orleans has to offer. I'm not perfect either, and I suppose I see myself in this city. It's the closest thing to my personality that a city can have. As I participate in the recruiting activity at my agency, I look for those who I believe can see the beauty in imperfection and those who can't. I haven't lived through a hurricane, and my 3 year old isn't old enough to become a cog in the education system yet; so there's alot that can tarnish my love for New Orleans in the future, but somehow I doubt it. After all this time, I don't think I'll ever stop loving this town. I still find myself thanking my husband for bringing us here and my boss for hiring me.

I can't quit you New Orleans, and frankly, I don't want to.

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

Take care of the things we do have.

We have way too much stuff.

Don't try to skimp on moving, it's not worth it.

Create a place for everything

Organization is next to Godliness